I used to feel very comfortable in my victimhood.
I used to believe that I didn't actually have any control over my life or my circumstances or my depression and I was just sort of doomed to be in that cycle forever.
If I had to narrow down the pivotal moment of my journey where I finally woke up to my own patterns and beliefs about myself, and said "wtf are you actually doing" - it would be after I was publicly berated and humiliated by a former boss.
It seems so insignificant now, (oh, boo hoo - I got yelled at by my boss) but at the same time, I needed it so desperately so I could identify ways that I was in choice about how I let people treat me.
That "conversation" was just a reflection of all of my relationships and more significantly, a reflection of my relationship with myself.
I was not in my power. I was a victim.
Until I wasn't anymore.
You're either choosing to be in your suffering, or your choosing to be in your power. They both require the same amount of effort.
(I now see that my former boss was in his suffering and I have tremendous empathy for him. I am so grateful for that day and that conversation even thought it felt absolutely soul crushing at the time, it was really just crushing the victim-ego I loved and clung to so desperately, but it was time for that one to go.)
The most terrifying and liberating statement on earth is:
You are in choice.
Literally, you choose everything.
You choose the way you allow people to treat you.
You choose the way you treat yourself.
You choose the way you respond to others.
You choose the way you see the world.
The list goes on and on for eternity...
You are in choice.
The liberating thing about that, is that if you chose to have it in front of you at one point or another, then you sure as heck can choose to change whatever it is - job, relationship, living arrangements, mental suffering, physical pain, your attitude toward any of those things, etc, etc.
The terrifying thing is that you then become accountable to your own suffering.
You can't blame anyone or anything else.
I think that's why a lot of people choose to believe they have no choice. It feels safer there.
You are the creator of your entire reality. You get to CHOOSE any reality you want!
What are some things in your life you would like to change??
You are powerful beyond measure.
You are LOVED beyond comprehension.
You can use both of those truths to transform your entire life. You just have to accept and leverage the idea that you are in choice.