The moment you realize that everything you’ve ever prayed for and everything you ever dreamed of, is being handed to you, is an overwhelming one, to say the least.
Not only is it exactly what you prayed for, but it's even more. It’s better. As if God said, “I know you prayed for this, but I’m gonna do you one better. Let me show you how much I love you.”
Over the last four years, through the hardest season of my life, I look back at journal entries and the things that stand out to me the most are my unwavering trust in God and my abundant gratitude. Even in the darkest moments of misery and pain, I was thanking God for everything He was doing, for everything that was happening, even the painful stuff because I knew He had a plan. I just KNEW it. I could feel it.
In the beginning of this hell of a season of life, I once heard the words, “gratitude precedes the miracle.” That rung in my mind for weeks and months, and now years later, I am witnessing the miracle. I can specifically look back on times when I was thankful for this exact moment, even though I had no idea what this moment would consist of.
This moment, I am sitting on a plane flying across the world to spend 19 days in Australia with a man who loves me more than any human being on this earth ever has.
This moment I am thinking of the plans we are making for our future, to travel, to help people, to have a family and be good parents. To grow together, to help each other. To stand by each other no matter what.
This moment, I finished watching a silly movie and for the first time ever in my life, felt that love in real life is better than in the movies.
I believed that this life was real. I felt it in my body years before it came to existence. I created the type of relationship I wanted in my heart and I wrote it down, specifically, the kind of man I wanted to be with, what our relationship looked like and how I felt when I was with him.
I imagined a life where I had the opportunities to travel and experience culture, and see the beauty of creation. I prayed for a chance to help people. To share my story to empower others. To not be ashamed of what I had been through, knowing I was going through it so I could have experience that would give me opportunities to speak truth to others who are suffering.
God took me into the depths of hell and asked me to trust Him. He put me under immense pressure and heat. Everything I loved and had built, He asked me to throw it in the fire, including the person I thought I was. He said, “follow me” on a treacherous journey and I did. I did my fair share of kicking and screaming along the way, but I followed. With a trusting heart, I followed.
Can you identify the feeling of trust? Can you describe the physical sensation in the body that happens when you feel like you are trusting someone, yourself or God?
I had been hurt so many times and by so many people over the course of my life that I realized I had no idea what trust actually felt like. I didn’t know how to surrender because I had been dropped on my face so many times.
So this experience of trusting God that I am describing is not one of surface level, church chatter of “just trust God.” This was a, “I’m jumping off a cliff for you, God and I know without question you will catch me.” This was a, “every other plan I have made for myself has failed and I am literally at my rock bottom so I have no way out” type of trust. This was a, “I’m sick of my own bullshit, so I am down for whatever” kind of thing.
And when you have nothing left, when you are literally just an empty shell of a person you thought you once were, when the world has beat you up and all you have left is hope and gratitude, thats the formula for a miracle.
That’s when God steps in and fills you up from the inside out. You are no longer the person you have built or created based on peoples feedback and reflection of you. You are no longer wearing a mask of who you think you’re supposed to be based on your age, race, demographic, religion, income, etc. You simply become you. When you let God determine who you are, and then you fully embody and become that person, that is when you can start shining your light brilliantly.
Strip away all the bullshit layers of who you think you are and be the person that God created you to be.
Be big, loud, beautiful energy. Be unapologetic for your joyfulness and love of life. Attract people into your life that love everything that you are and repel those who do not. And simply do that by being unapologetically you.