I Am Not Responsible.

I'm reading "You Are A Badass at Making Money" by Jen Sincero right now. (Highly recommend, btw.)

She speaks my language so precisely it's kind of weird. I read her first book, "You Are A Badass" and that changed my life and has been a huge inspiration in my own writing. (Also, highly recommend.)

What I've taken from this book so far is your thoughts and beliefs around money are a pretty clear reflection of your thoughts and beliefs around yourself. 

That seems crazy, but for me, it rings true.

The book challenges the cultural stigmas around wanting money and makes you take a good hard look into your subconscious to find out what is blocking you from receiving abundance of any kind, not just money.

So, yesterday in meditation, I had an insight as to one of my limiting beliefs around money.

"I am not responsible enough to handle a influx of money."

Okkk....

Well, today in meditation, it became clear that I have a strong false belief about my ability to be responsible in handling an influx of anything. Money, success, responsibilities, work, relationships, etc.

Basically, my subconscious mind has been telling the Universe that I am not responsible enough to handle shit, so don't send me anything.

This has been happening since I was 19, cultivated by a conversation with my dad on the day that I moved into my first, very own apartment.

Before he drove away, leaving me alone in my empty apartment full of mismatched, hodgepodge furniture, he said, "You better keep a very detailed record of how you spend your money because if you need help, I am going to want to see where exactly all your money has gone."
I'm sure he meant well, intending to mean something along the lines of, "Be sure to create and stick to a budget, make wise choices and always floss your teeth." You know, supportive dad stuff.

But my terrified, little 19 year old brain said, "oh, shit. We have no idea what we are doing. I'm not responsible enough to be an adult."

Now, almost 15 years later, I am seeing how the false belief that "I am not responsible" has been flipping tables and wrecking havoc in my finances, my "career" (or lack thereof), and even my relationships.
Time to do some spring cleaning on my false beliefs.

The point of this post is twofold:

1. Whatever your subconscious mind believes, rules the roost as far as what the Universe hears and responds to. Even if your conscious mind is in the good place, the subconscious is the force field communicating your messages. Sit still and be quiet. Meditate. Find out what the heck your subconscious mind is telling the world. And then figure out how to change those beliefs pronto.
2. If you look back on your childhood/teen years at any strong memory that was less than pleasant... (Like the conversation with my dad around money. Or that one time my brother got in so much trouble for not sharing his Halloween candy with me. Or when my sister made fun of my at the bus stop because of the way I put my contacts in.)... You can pretty much guarantee that event or circumstance left an impression or stamp at best, - or a puncture wound or scar at worst - on your subconscious mind. Look into those memories and find out what false beliefs they "taught" you about who you are and what you're worthy of and then challenge the shit out of them. 
I AM responsible. With money, with time, with resources, with relationships.

I AM worthy of receiving abundance. Abundance of money, opportunities, adventures and Halloween candy.
My learning curve is not crippling. Even if it takes me years to find out my career path, to find myself, or to put my contacts in properly, I can take as much time as I need.

This was a long one. If you made it this far, what do you think?

Keep going. You're doing a great work.
Cheering for you,
C