Being a human is hard.
Some might argue that perhaps it is harder for some than others, but the universal truth is that it is hard for all of us. And none of us get out of here alive.
I would say that I have had a fair share of suffering in my 34 years. Trauma, heartbreak, devastation... blah, blah, blah, all the good ones.
Some have had it much worse than I have and some have had it a little easier.
I was diagnosed with depression at 15. I then spent 17 years on and off medication, in and out of therapy, "leaning into the Lord" (whatever that means as a treatment option for depression?) and self-medicating in a variety of other ways. With cannabis, booze, relationships and whatever else I could find that would make me feel "normal."
But what is normal?
It seems that the only thing about being a human that can be classified as being "normal" is that being a human is hard. So, if you've had a rough go at it so far, then that makes you as normal as it gets. (Congratulations.)
But what makes being a human even harder is our rigid, unforgiveness of the humanness in ourselves and others.
We judge, ostracize, and condemn ourselves for being human, when being human is the only reason we are here. Then we judge, ostracize and condemn the humanness in others.
We hold ourselves and those we love to a standard of perfection so that when one of us inevitably fails, we can say, "See! I told you I am unloveable."
We lock ourselves in a cage because we are afraid. We are afraid to feel, to be vulnerable, to be seen, and to speak our truth. We stay in the cage that we built ourselves, with the key in our hand, too fearful of the unknown of freedom and comfortable in the confines of our cage.
We have forgotten that we are eternal. That we are the embodiment of Love, of God. We think that we are only human.
And being a human is hard.
I am learning that the only meaning to life is learning how to fall in love with being a human.
(And I'm not preaching this, I just received this download myself.)
Some people in white coats would say that I have "suicidal thoughts". It's a vague phrase that they like throw at people with "mental illness" so they can identify the risk of one hurting themselves. Necessary in some cases I'm sure, but confusing in others. I've never wanted to take my own life, but I've wept, begged and argued with God many times about being done with the human thing.
I think I have a pretty good understanding of what happens after this life. I know who God is - as much as my tiny human brain can comprehend, so I don't fear death. In fact, I've asked for it many times.
But what I have heard back, now clearer than ever, is that my work isn't done here until I have learned to fall in love with every aspect of being a human.
How can you love the parts of being a human that hurt so bad? How can you fall in love with the fear of being vulnerable and then being rejected or humiliated? How can you fall in love with the suffering that is reflected back to us everywhere we go?
I am still learning. All is know is that being a human is hard.
But it's so beautiful.
We are vulnerable, fragile little beings that house the Spirit of the entire Universe in our chest. We are sensitive and get our feelings hurt when one of 8.7 billion people don't want to love us anymore. We build walls of protection around ourselves and our hearts because we believe that we are just a physical body living in a physical world.
It's really so cute, if you think about it.
Your messy humanness is so fucking beautiful. Your human experience and the journey you are on to learn to love yourself and others is so perfectly Divine.
You're here to be a human. To love and experience all the human things.
To feel, to dance, to weep.
To see and to be seen.
You have all of eternity to rest in the bliss within the sea of Eternal Love.
Might as well enjoy being a human while you have the chance.
I love you.