I think one of the most important acts of self-love and a necessary step on your journey to healing is learning your triggers.
We all have them.
Yet, we all blame the things or people in our external environment when our triggers get pushed.
But its all you, baby. Your triggers are the expression or symptoms of things deep in your subconscious or in your emotional wounding that still need love, acceptance and healing.
Yet instead of just welcoming them and allowing them to be there, we blame the thing outside of us and ignore the trigger.
I've been spending a lot of time recently observing myself and my triggers. Usually when something pokes one of these deep-seated wounds, my coping mechanism goes a little like this: First, I close down. Then I get sad and weepy for a bit. Then, I pretend like everything fine for a while. I deflect with humor and distract myself with my phone, loud music or anything external. After a few hours or days go by, I sit in meditation and I am overwhelmed with the truth that is underneath the trigger.
Usually these vulnerable revelations come quietly. A soft voice inside me that says, "this still hurts."
The thing that still hurts sometimes has nothing to do with whatever triggered me in the first place.
Or maybe it does. Maybe it's a situation, a conversation, a tone of voice, a lack of action, subtle facial expression or someone's ignorance a little too similar to the past.
The most important element of this is that is requires you to be vulnerable with yourself.
It requires you to lay down the blame, the ego and the defense mechanism and admit that there is a part of you that is still hurting. And in this admission, you have to nurture and comfort yourself.
And nurturing yourself is not always easy.
Learning your triggers, and then committing to being the safe space for yourself takes practice.
But if you don't know your triggers, you are living as the unconscious expression of your wounding. (Read that again.)
Don't run away from them because they are uncomfortable. Don't blame the person or thing in front of you that triggered you. Sit with yourself in a loving and gentle way and say, "you are safe here."
Everything that you feel is ok.
Also important to note is that this is true for everyone. So, if you trigger someone else, or if someone else acts out in an expression of their triggers, you can remind yourself that is has nothing to do with you. Perhaps something you said or did triggered a memory from childhood or a destructive relationship in their past. It has nothing to do with you. Find compassion for the people in your life. We are all just doing the best we can.
Cheering for you.
I love you,