Y’all.

Healing does not feel good. And if you believe that it’s supposed to feel good then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of suffering. 

Because if you get to the point that you recognize that you need healing and then you start taking steps to work towards that moving target, you will stumble early on and give up. A soon as it starts feeling unpleasant. 

Before you even start the journey, understanding that healing does not feel good is so absolutely necessary and the only thing that will keep you on your path. 

Physical, emotional, mental or internal. Healing. Does. Not. Feel. Good. 

Healing does however, feel different than causing harm. So, it’s a different felt sensation in the body than whatever you’ve experienced in the past. 

I understood all of this in my mind as a concept before I started my recent trek into healing my belly. But over the last few days, I have actually experienced with my body this notion that healing doesn’t feel good. 

(The quickest and easiest way to learn is to first understand something in the mind as a concept or idea, and then have an actual felt experience in the body that solidifies your understanding of whatever that concept is. More on that in another post.)


What I have learned is that in an attempt to save me from suffering, my brain turned off the connection to my belly.  So basically over the last 2 decades, I haven’t been able to actually feel what was happening in my belly. 

I noticed symptoms, but I had no neurological understanding of the intensity of what was going on in my body. 

When I started my journey into healing my body, I set the intention to learn about myself more thoroughly. I began taking steps but still couldn't fully feel what was happening. 

But almost 2 weeks ago, the whole belly and digestive system just came back online, in an instant, out of nowhere.  

It was as if someone plugged in the electrical connection from the belly to the brain. 

And that shit hurt, man. And it still hurts. 

But if you can sit with the pain, if you can honor and respect the body as it repairs the damage, you will be rewarded tenfold. 

The only thing worse than feeling pain is feeling nothing at all. 
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Keep going. You’re doing a great work.​

I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 15 and was on antidepressants for more than half of my life. 

I started having intense panic attacks in college. (Usually involving marijuana - but I ignored that little contributing factor.) 

I have fought tooth and nail against laziness, sleepiness, lethargy, lack of motivation and stuckness for as long as I can remember. 

My mind was sick. That was the agreed upon "truth". That was my reality. It was a "chemical imbalance." It was out of my control.

Just medicate her and tip toe around her emotions. 

"Coincidentally", I also started having digestive issues in my teens. IBS, bloating, stomach cramping, and intense pain. (Usually involving bread and soda, but I ignored those little contributing factors, too.) 

I didn't know my body was weeping from the inside. Begging to be cared for. 

I looked "healthy" in the mirror, so that's what really matters right? 

Well now I am 33. And just in the last month I have come face-to-face with the destructive patterns of how I have treated my body for almost 2 decades. 

I have a long road ahead on my journey to health, but here is what I have learned. 

• The body and the mind are absolutely, without a doubt, I-can't-freaking-believe-it-took-me-this-long-to-realize-it connected.
• Heal your body, heal your mind... and vice versa. 
• What you put in your face WILL, without question, affect the condition of your mind/mood/mental state/attitude and overall outlook on life. 

So, here's what I am doing about it for now... I intend to evolve it as my body communicates what it needs. 

• No gluten. Not now, not ever. 
• No refined or processed sugar.(Except for the occasional 80%+ dark chocolate bar 'cause come on. I am still human.) 
• No booze. (I will fo' sho' insert a sad face emoji over a glass of rose, but I've decided the quality of my entire life is more important.)
• I've added 10-20mg of CBD supplement everyday. 
• Probiotics and some good microorganisms from dirt to help rebuild the gut flora.
• Loving-kindness meditations. Actively sending love and compassion to my belly. (Yes, thats a thing people do.)

Anyways. I am telling you this for 2 reasons. 

One, because this is on my mind/heart/soul and this is my blog, so you get what you get. ;)

Two, because if you are suffering in any capacity, you have the power and authority to fix it. 

Whether it be mind or body, you are capable of healing yourself. 

Believing you can be healed is the first step. 

Believing you can do it your damn self is the second. 

After that, you're ready for your freakin' journey, man. 

I'll keep you posted on how we go. I am already noticing such a tremendous difference in myself, my life, my mind, my mood, my motivation, my relationships, my suffering (or lack of)..... soooo, I think it's working. 

What need your loving-kindness? Your body or your mind?? 

That was a trick question. The answer is both.